she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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