I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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