but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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