bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
