I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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