He asked me if I "almost moaned"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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