Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
