Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You made out with two different species that night
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
