don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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