i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
