Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
