yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
