I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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