that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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