I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Randomize
