She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
