farters have to be the big spoon...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
no you cant smoke seaweed
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
