i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
high people should be assigned attendants
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
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