Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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