there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
