All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
