Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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