He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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