Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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