Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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