i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
