Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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