Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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