I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
