hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
