i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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