I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
