and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
