Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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