I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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