those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
