Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
