I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
