I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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