you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
