My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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