dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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