You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
the day after is always just damage control
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
