did you get engaged???
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
