they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
