Sry I called you an 8
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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