I didn't shave. On purpose
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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