who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I intend to get homeless drunk
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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