I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
