That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
