Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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