dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
