i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
