is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
