can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
