I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
