What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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