giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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