I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
