dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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