im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
